So how long has it been? About three months, I guess. For me time has stood still since the beginning of July. I can't believe it's almost October already.

Matthew and I are going back to the states for about two weeks to attend the wedding of his sister. Matty's very excited to see his family again. We leave on saturday morning.

My grades have been suffering a lot lately in college. It's not because I'm not trying in class (When I am in class I get high marks), but there have been many, many mornings recently when I feel like I can't even get out of bed, let alone make the forty minute walk to college and be there on time. It is so very irresponsible for me to be cutting classes so often, but, well... uh...

My health is still in decline. Even after three months my body still hasn't finished recovering from the miscarriage. I'd never thought I'd want to have my period so badly as I have been lately, because once it comes back then I'll know everything is okay. I went to the doctor about it the other week, but he just said to continually wait it out.

Also, for the past three weeks I've been getting a faint unpleasant taste in my mouth whenever I eat certain foods. I worry that it might be the onset of diabetes, or even liver damage...

Maybe since the miscarriage I've become a hypochrondriac, I dunno.

It's weird. It feels like I've passed through the active phases of my depression over losing the baby, but now it's still there as some huge, hulking background thing; making me sad and depressed through other things beyond dwelling on the miscarriage.

It's possible that I feel time hasn't passed because I can't cope with everything else and defeat the depression at the same time.